Then do not think.

When sometimes there is nothing.

Then there is so much of it. Too much to handle in a single body. Too much to bring it into a equilibrium.

There is no such thing. Sometimes I think there is. But I guess it is just one side of the wheel. And the others a drowning in silence. Waiting. Until it is theres turn again.

How exactly can I know when this is, what I really are, what I really want, what I really know. What I really feel.

I’m fascinated. By myself. Cause I have never sensed this in another human being. Maybe I have. And I need that person back. Cause he would understand. Or maybe not. Because of that. Because of this sensation.

And I know it fits me. It opens doors für me. It makes all of this possible. All of what I am.  But then again it is the origin of these hours. Of hours full of exhausting. Full of thrub. Of deepest tremble. It is the deepest? Maybe not. But it is an act of defiance. Every time.

And when I do have the energy. The masses of lightning inside me. It is mostly too much. Too much to use.

This is the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. And also the most frightened. Dear my life, Please do not necessarily see this as a challenge. It just occurs to me, that this is the source of all these things I can feel. All these sides I can take and all these..

… all of it what makes my life into that I fell so deep in love with.

And so I see the conclusion right in front of me. So clear.

It never could be different. And I would never want it to be. And even if I have to life with all the sides of this.. unutterable. I would rather do that then going into a mind, that can not give me this giant spectrum. And these combinations. And this space.

So thanks.

My greatest love.

My greatest fear.

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